ramble

first two days on the job

Wed, 09 Jun 2010 04:39:52 +0100

on the first day, exhausted from sitting there and listening to presentation after presentation, i leave the rehab center. as i'm sitting outside in the sun...listening to my iPod, waiting for my dad, and frustrated that he wasn't outside waiting for me, at the corner of my eye..i see a child..in a wheelchair just sitting by the garden. i also see a group of children waiting for the bus after school. and so what, you may ask? sitting there, in the sun, with a billion things going on in my head, i realized...how simple life COULD be and SHOULD be. it also made me realize how lucky i was. to be able to what i can do...walk, talk, drive, have a job, go out with friends...all of which could be taken away in a snap. and how lucky i am to have an opportunity to do..anything and everything, all the possibilities, without limitations or challenges.
i mean...i get angry at my dad for not being there when i'm done work...these petty things are ....well..petty. and if i didn't get mad, and i just sat there outside...by the garden, hours and hours and hours, without the iPod, without the cellphone, how bare it would be and how simple life would be in that moment. we truly take for granted many many things in life. living it in a downtown pace, fast, efficient and unpleasant. we could really learn a lot from these people and kids.
on the second day of orientation, there were many different stories shared. one about how it would feel to be the parent of a disabled child. she said...having a baby..is like an exciting trip to italy. so for those nine months of anticipation for the trip, you plan and plan all the places you'll go. all the sites, learn different phrases and pick up different books on Italy. and so...when it's time to go...you get on the airplane, sitting in anticipation and excitement, and the flight attendant says "welcome to holland". at first, you're confused, and shortly after, angry. but you stay in holland, because that's your only option, and you slowly but surely begin to enjoy it. after a few years, you start to notice that they have tulips..or windmills...or the cute houses. and while everyone is bragging about their fancy trip to Italy, you're in Holland. it's not bad, it's not disgusting...it's just...different. and in Holland, you really get a chance to catch your breath and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. well said.
another analogy that someone said was...imagine going out with your friends to a mall after school. you get to sit in the foodcourt and choose what you want to eat and what you want to buy. someone who is in a wheelchair, has to catch a special bus, and will never be able to go to a mall and choose what they want to eat. truly, these are the things we take for granted.

that being said, this has only been two days, and i've already started thinking and reflecting. this is going to be a crazy summer.

i officially dub you "intellectually disabled"

Tue, 11 May 2010 03:51:23 +0100

it astonishes me to still see people making fun of chinese people. "CHINKY EYES" or "WIDESCREEN VIEW". first off, CHINKY eyes is offensive. referring to CHINESE as CHINKS is a racial slur. secondly, CHINKY EYES is not the equivalent of small or slanty eyes, it refers to the eyes of a Chinese. this assumes that all Chinese people have small and slanty eyes, and it's funny because people use it on any asian, regardless of how big their eyes are. thirdly, people of all races have different sized eyes. I, for one, have particularly large eyes, probably equivalent to white people. White people ALSO have "CHINKY EYES", look at taylor swift, gorgeous girl, but still, she has small eyes. i mean, forgive me for not having HUGE eyes like Anne Hathaway, but honestly, look at yourselves, do you have gigantic round almond shaped eyes?
do you see me going around posting pics with me prying my eyes open to imitate white people? no? so why do white people insist of going around posting pics with pulled eyes. do you honestly think that's a funny, harmless pose?
it astonishes me, because i thought people now a days have the brains to overlook skin and race.
another thing that people bug asians about is the whole SARS thing. i remember going to a school and they made fun of us because most of us were Asians, they coughed and coughed. HARDY HAR HAR, last time i checked, bacteria doesn't pick it's host by race.
therefore, i officially dub you intellectually disabled.

i hate customers

Sun, 02 May 2010 22:52:22 +0100

after years after years of working in the customer service, i can honestly, and accurately say that customers suck. i mean, of course, there are those exceptions, however, the majority of the customers are rude, inconsiderate and incredibly stupid.
customers are not always right. let me repeat that...customers are not always right. do not complain to me about the price, does it look like i can change it? no. if i could, that would suggest that i have power, and if i had power, do you think i would be serving you at this moment? no. because if i had power, i would be sitting on a nice leather chair in my office. think about it. second, do not complain to me about the economy. once again, does it look like i can change how canada runs? IF I DID, that would make me the Government wouldn't it. and then my name KIMBERLEY CHAN would be on the headlines, but is it? no. piece it together people. another thing, don't blame me for certain products. i.e. today this lady complained to me about how the bath oil container is not fully filled and yelling at me about the price and how it's not worth it. then asks me who i am and if i'm the pharmacist. read my name tag, lab technician. is that the same as a pharmacist? no. so i said no, i'm not the pharmacist, and she's like see, so why are you talking to me? i mean WOWWWWWW! B!!!TCH! who are you to talk to me like that? first, the pharmacist will say the exact same thing, it's not like we take the bath oil and pocket it and then sell it. that's stupid. you're stupid. you're rude. second, if you can't afford the thing, take it somewhere else, i will not pity you because of your budget. third, when do you ever see a container filled to the very top. look at your detergent, your water bottles, whatever, it will never be filled to the top. so take it to the company and complain to them. fourth, do not talk down to me. i may not be a pharmacist, but where the hell were you working when you were 19? mcdonalds? do not talk down to me. anyways, when people complain about the prices, people don't understand the whole system behind it. it is much too complicated to explain..it's call globalization. it's call we're not the ones producing it, making it, and selling it, there is a chain. and where do you think that material comes from? do you think we work for free? like i said, customers are dumb.
but what can i do...smile and say sorry. because APPARENTLY, if i don't, they'll complain about me and then get me fired. HAHAHA, in that case, i'd gladly get fired because i refuse to put up with rude and unintelligent beings.

why

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 05:52:26 +0100

why does it kinda feel like i have no friends.
maybe it's cause all i've been doing is studying...but i kinda feel like i'm just a study partner now.

reality

Thu, 25 Mar 2010 03:00:43 +0100

the other day, i was confronted by a friend. she said i had an eating disorder.
weird. i never thought of it that way. isn't it normal to eat less because of stress?
i understood that i have body dysmorphic disorder, but who doesn't? now a days, isn't it normal to think you're not skinny enough? or pretty enough? you can ask any girl or boy out there if they were to change something in their body, would they? the answer would most probably be yes. and isn't that because the most critical person is yourself?
i am not sickly skinny. it's not like i faint every so often. i eat. i do.
but it's not until i really thought about it...that i might have psychological symptoms.
i feel guilty. i feel guilty if i eat too much or something really fattening, and that's when i sit at home feeling fat and start making plans for working out and restricting my diet.
i always compare myself. watching youtube videos for working out, look at their amazing bodies. look at the girls in the magazines, so skinny, not sickly skinny, but skinny enough so that whatever they wear, weird or not, look so awesome.
and it's not like i'm dumb. i'm in nursing. i know all about this healthy stuff. i know eating is important. i know eating 6 small meals a day will maintain a leveled blood sugar and reduce cravings. but the thing is..i don't crave anymore. and regardless of what i've learned, i still do it.
it doesn't matter what you say. i will take your compliment...as a compliment, but nothing more. but it doesn't change my insecurities or my view of myself.
i never say i want to be skinny. i say things like i want to be more slim, i want to be more healthy.
i always read the calories, the fats, the food labels. but it's not like i stop myself from eating a certain number of calories. i just rationalize it. why would i want to ingest 300 calories per 10 chips. that's nothing! but that's when i start becoming more pickier. i like empty calorie foods.
i drink lots of water. it used to be because i never drank enough..but now it's because i found it kept me full. but why would i want to get full of fatty foods?
i used to have an alarm set on my phone that said no carbs. YES, i know carbs are essential in your diet. but everyone always takes too much anyways.
i have a number written on my white board. just a friendly reminder of what i want to be.
and right now, i think i have the will power to stop when i want to. i THINK i will stop once i see sunken cheeks and eyes.
but right now, i just think i can be better.
somedays i'm merely running on coffee...and I KNOW that's unhealthy...but i'm too tired to eat breakfast. i'm too picky to eat fast foods. and i don't want to pay 7 dollars for a small salad. that's downtown. that's university.
i do keep track of what i eat in the day.
so maybe i am obsessed and i'm addicted.
i want to be healthier. i see people in the hospital suffering from heart diseases and such..the ironic thing is...underweight people can suffer from that too.
i took a blood test. and it said i was A LITTLE BIT HIGH CHOLESTEROL. and i think that's when i really started watching what i ate.
i recently checked my blood pressure, and it was pretty high...that's when i realized that just looking healthy wasn't enough. and my friend said..what you don't know is that even though you think you look great in the outside, your body inside is dying and eating itself.
and that really made me think.
why do people associate being skinny as being fit or being skinny as being healthy?

one of those days...

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 01:51:45 +0100

It's one of those days..when you question why you're even in nursing in the first place. Is it for the job? Is it for the money? Is it because you genuinely want to save and help people? anyways, today was just an accumulation of problems. from the patient, to the assignments and evaluation. maybe i'm just like this because i got my first ever unsatisfactory..but still. I feel so defeated from this one assignment for some reason. I feel like this is the only course in nursing that is important and I actually excel in it too...until now. but then i question why i feel so defeated when the most important part of nursing is the practice part. i mean yes, a paper is a great way to evaluate your thinking..however I don't think it justifies the practice of nursing. I can critically think. I critically think everyday, if i didn't, i'm pretty sure my patient would be dead by now. achhh! i'm just bitter.. even though this doesn't mean i fail the course, i just feel so crappy.
then i question the rest of the system for nursing. i'm pretty sure they're using nursing students to get work done. I mean..seriously..what is the point of doing community nursing in third year, when you already have been taught all the skills for the hospital.
and then i question the world. most of the world still view nursing as a low status job. people ask..WHY NOT BE A DOCTOR? why? because i genuinely want to help people, and to be a doctor..who only steps in to diagnose for a few seconds..is not really helping. a nurse stays with the patient. the nurse knows the patient..reads the patient like a book.
a nurse knows a crazy amount of information. we need to study the pathology and etiology, the drugs that go with it and why, the signs and symptoms, treatments, and on top of that, we do need to learn the actual skills for practice. so why do people still look down on nurses?

non floppers

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 05:04:44 +0100

it's been a while..fellow, if any, readers : D
my apologies. haha anyways, it is now reading week, literally spending the last few days reading. Just yesturday, I came back from Niagara Falls...with my friends! I can honestly say, I was pleasantly surprised to see this "dream" of mine coming to life...as...most of the time, these things always seem to flop.
FLOP: to not follow through with a plan
FLOPPER: someone who does not follow through with a plan
Anyways, I am very glad it happened..the fact that we could actually all meet up at one place...at the same time..still amazes me..and every second spent from then on, was amazing.
I honestly think that because of this trip, we've all grown closer...haha from the haunted house to watching you guys blast your brains to the late night talk. : ) let's shove it in people's faces..esp. the nurses in ryerson that we made it happen! not just a dinner..but an actual trip! haah : )

MY SPECIAL DIONNE SEGMENT BECAUSE SHE ASKED:
i can honestly see myself to be friends with you for a while. :) like you said, i could see you in my wedding party..giving a toast and talking about all the memories..from the stupid CRAs to graduating. LOL like you said, i'm cheesy :) haha and i plan to continue tricking your parents into thinking i'm filipino.."tita? tito?" LOL
TADA! special dionne segment complete. :) keep the memories comingg!

miss perfect 10

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 03:36:19 +0100

so..as i was walking down the hallway of ryerson, i saw an ad for the pageant "miss perfect 10". i always seem to be interested in it, and no, it's not because i think i could win, i just think it'd be fun to get dolled up and pretty. and i'm sure every girl has some sort of wish to be in one of those. anyways i read the requirments for it, and you need a talent. so..i thought long and hard about my talent...and that's when i realized that i had none. sure, i can strum a tune on the guitar, i can toot a tune on the sax...i can make pretty pictures and tell you the symptoms of a certain disease..but...that's not a talent. i can play volleyball...that's a skill. i can solve the rubics cube?...so what talent do i really have? there's nothing i can be really proud about...hmmm. anywho, just for kicks, i was watching the interviews for it, and one of the questions was "if you could cure anything, what would it be?"
and people said things like diabetes..or AIDS..which i agree, is increasingly present in our world...
but i thought about it..and here's my answer:
if i could cure anything in the world..i'd cure greed. People aren't happy because people always want more...more of this, more of that, whether it's something material or something abstract..people want more. more popularity, more status, more money. if i could cure greed, satisfaction with life is not far to follow.

shopaholic?

Fri, 08 Jan 2010 01:36:16 +0100

so...today i realized that i'm a shopaholic. i like to buy clothes ...lots of it..and even if i don't need it. but it's not like i over indulge with expensive things, i like to buy things in staple. i think it all started on day..after going to school..having a bad week..i was thinking.."i should treat myself." and that's when i turned to shopping. I love the thought of having something new to wear. MAYBE it's because when i was small, i'd always have to wear hand-me-downs....even from my brothers. i can always picture myself in a new outfit..or how certain pieces would just perfect my look.
and how did i come to this realization? it wasn't after cleaning out my closet...filling around 6 garbage bags of clothes and then after buying new clothes the next day..did i realize this. but..it's not that extreme..yet. it's not like i owe a million dollars to unpaid credit cards..i spend what i earn. from year 1 to year 2, my spending has shifted from food...to coffee...to food. and you know you're a shopaholic when you'd gladly starve yourself just so that you can buy more clothes.
that being said..i think it's a new year..and new adjustments are in order.
my goal is to not buy clothing on a weekly basis..i'll give myself a limit. 3 new pieces of clothing every month. this will make me spend on what i NEED and not what i WANT.
coffee...can't stop that. sorry..that is a need.

so true...

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 01:00:00 +0100

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"
- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 2.2